“No.”

This is so true. And yet so obvious, but often overlooked. I never bother asking.

Well, I'd like to tell you something. I was with my friend last month in a Costume Shop. He saw an Assassins Creed costume that he just HAD to have. But it was $120, and out of his price range. I thought about what you said about the Apple Employee discount, and I said to my friend, "why don't you just ask if you can use their employee discount?" He said "No, I can't do that."

So I walked up to owner and asked if there is anyway he could lend his discount, or any sort of sale or coupon or something. He said, "I'm sorry, no, we can't just do that." But then a few seconds later, he walked away and came back.

He said this to me:

"But if you happen to have a friend who works here, they might be able to give you this." And he slipped a 20% OFF coupon into my hand. Then he winked and smiled, and walked away.

Seriously, all I had to do is ask!

I've noticed my confidence has been steadily growing thanks to some of the articles on your blog. Soon I'm going to break free on my own, and start my design business that I've always wanted to.

I just wanted to say thanks Daniel.

Can someone give me a $1,000?

haw haw....I thought i would just ask

I am that person that embarrasses those around me in bigger stores (usually electrical, computer or home furnishing types) who never takes the ticketed price as gospel. I always (and I mean always) ask what the best price is on something, no matter how trivial it may be to some.

As an example, I went to a large store here (Harvey Norman) to buy my wife a FitBit tracker which was listed on sale for $89.00. After looking at it, I said to the sales person that it looked ok, but could he take more off it as it was more than I thought it would be. I got a further 10% off the sale price!

Most larger retailers have a high margin on there products so there is always room to move price wise, you just have to be prepared to ask for it and be willing to leave if they will not do anything for you. There is so much competition out there now that someone will always be willing to give you a discount. Just ask, it is not the end of the world if they say no, but you may just get a real bargain....

Asked for 10% off at Starbucks. Was nervous asking for it. Felt relieved after because they didn't bite my head off, and I felt like I broke past a barrier.

I asked if someone was going to an event with me and they said no because they had other plans, but I'm still going. It didn't really make me feel anything. I am in the habit of asking for things I want, because if I don't ask, how will I know what the answer is?

Have you heard of Jia Jiang's 100 Days of Rejection Therapy? (http://www.fearbuster.com/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/) He did a project to face his fear and challenge himself to ask for more things where he expected the answer to be "no" and found out that many of the people actually said "yes" instead.

I generally don't ask for anything where I know i'll be knocked back... I should change this, as I know it's a bad habit.

On the flip side of the article, does anyone have trouble saying no to people (eg. friends and family) when they ask for something?

If you are a grown and able white man and ever ask to get in front of me in the line with 2 items in hand, I will say no and make the hell sure I take 3 times as long as I normally would, you full-of-entitlement jerk.

Omg I know that feeling of being afraid of rejection. I had an experience yesterday where I was on a public bus and the music was painfully loud to the point where the bus was vibrating. I realized that no one else in the bus spoke about it but I'm sure they were annoyed. So I asked the bus driver if he could please turn the music down because my ears were hurting. He, in a not so polite way, told me off and said I needed to catch another bus...The point is, I tried and it felt freeing that I spoke up when everyone else was afraid to say something. He basically said no to me in terms of my request, but thankfully his friend turned the music down- so I still got a "Yes" in another sense- even though the bus driver was disgruntled.

Another example I can give: I have a novella that I've written (a draft) that's been completed since August but I wanted someone to edit it and fix it up for me before I self publish it online- I didn't exactly have within my budget to pay someone for that kind of service so I thought I'd present a proposal to someone I know is good at that kind of stuff where I proposed I would pay them a certain percentage (for a specific period up to 10 years) once they edit the story for me. I stalled on doing it because I was afraid to get a "No". I mean why would that person trust me anyway? But, I asked them yesterday and I'm supposed to meet up with the person today to further explain, hopefully I get a yes...but if not, I'll have to keep asking around until someone agrees to the terms. If I get a no, then I'd def share that experience :)

I've come to realize that what I really want to do is to compose and perform music and to do voice acting. I've been getting involved in some projects that require me to record my voice, and my current living arrangements make it difficult for me to work as often as I'd like--I'm only able to record one or twice a week, for a couple hours each time at most. One thing that I realized would help is to have a dedicated space to work and record, and there is an auxiliary bedroom in our house that would be ideal for this. The problem is that it's currently a cluttered mess full of so much junk that you'd think from looking at it that it's from an episode of "Hoarders."

The head of the household--my fiance's father--wants to turn it into a man cave, and he said he'd be willing to share the space with me... ONCE he cleans it up. I offered to clean it myself, but he rejected that idea. I felt a bit crushed, because he's been talking about cleaning and converting that room for years with no progress being made, so I don't expect him to clean it any time soon. I feel like there are these environmental barriers holding me back from doing what I really want to do with my life, and I don't know how to overcome them. (The main reason I've been following entrepreneurial blogs like yours is to earn enough money for my fiance and I to move into our own place, so we can have more space to pursue our own interests.)

I can't even remember Daniel, because most of the time I never asked. Daniel, you always speak like you know me. Sounds weird since Iive here in South Africa. Man you are God send in my situation. Thank you.

The last big "No" I heard was recently, in fact, from a possible investor for my theatrical musical show, "The Eccentrics"! This was quite disappointing - maybe even a bit more like "devastating" ~ at first and made me feel pretty down. The thing is, that after I told my actors about this, they surprised me by telling me that: 1. They were still 110% on-board with me and we would make this show happen, no matter. And...2. They thought this was actually a good thing because they think we can do better, moving the show in a different direction! Wow, how inspiring! I didn't see that coming. I'm sure I'm not the only one who now sees that a "No" can be a door-opener, if not a heart/mind opener to other possibilities :)

This makes me think of a talk I heard by (I think) Mike Harris, where he said that the best answer was 'no' because it gave him the opportunity to improve his pitch and offer.

I'm working on a proposal at the moment for a new client, and I'm very afraid f the 'no', but I'm embracing that fear to see how I can pre-empt the reasons for that 'no' and reduce the barriers to make the 'no' a 'yes'.

I'll come back and report my results!

Best

Guy

I was looking for a new 30 Day Challenge and you just gave it to me. I'm going to do the "Ask For What You Want Challenge". Everyday I'll look to ask for something I normally wouldn't ask for in fear of being rejected, embarrassed, or whatever.

I heard no earlier today from someone I offered an advertising spot to.

Hopefully this 30 Day Ask For What You Want Challenge will help screw the fear of rejection and embarrassment right out of me. Thanks!!!

Thanks for this amazing post Daniel, how did you get past this one? Do you have some strategies for becoming bolder?

I'm beginning to hear "No" quiet a lot since august and frankly, it feels GOOOD. I love it.

A "No" doesn't hurt as much as you would think : realizing this is life-changing.

In addition to that, saying "No" is difficult. Daniel, I think you wrote about how you have trouble saying "No" yourself. Everybody does! Logically, hearing "No" is quiet uncommon, you'll hear some lame excuses or you'll be ignored (if you requested something by mail). But most of the time, amazing stuff will happen and you'll finally expand this "comfort zone" everybody is talking about.

I'm in the process of realizing this right now, and I'm looking for ways to get as much rejected as possible.

And when you get rejected, don't take it as "Oh, I'm not good enough blablabla". Think of it like a really positive way. Be proud of yourself. At least now you know where your standing and can improve.

Do yourself a favor and try it out! I'll certainly continue on this path...

Robin

P.S : Oh, and don't forget, it's always a numbers game. The more beautiful girls you ask out, the more chances you have that eventually one will say yes (I'll refer you to Barney Stinson's incredibly low success rate (less than 1%) for that one).

It applies everywhere. Just don't be afraid, there is no reason too. There is nothing to lose.

@Brian Hahn They didn't give you the 10%??!!!

@ShellyNajjar This is SO good. I want to quickly scan which ones he got rejected from without watching all the videos though!

Such a good idea!!

@ShellyNajjar Isn't it amazing how much we get out of life when we just ask? I agree with you, there's no way we'd know what would happen if we don't ask. I'm going to check out that link about the 100 days of therapy though! Thanks for sharing :)

@lloydc What's one way you can get over your fear and start asking more?

And YES, I do suffer from the inability to say "no" sometimes as well.

In your opinion, which is worse: The temporary pain of saying no to family/friends, or the elongated pain of having to do something you REALLY don't want to do...just because you agreed?

@lloydc Yesss I had that problem too. I realize that it's not healthy though and you usually end up being the miserable one when you say yes to things you want to say no to. Like for me, I have countless of times when random guys added me on facebook or I met random guys in person when they'd ask for my number. Out of pity and me not wanting to seem 'stuck up' or 'snobbish', I would give it to them..but then I realized that it was annoying to be called by someone I don't consider to be someone I want to associate myself with. One of the guys who got my number kept saying hi to me on WhatsApp and I kept ignoring him...now and then I'd say hi and then tell him I'm busy--which I usually am but I only make time for people I care about..Anyway, so I got fed up with him always WhatsApping me. He noticed that I ignored his messages for a awhile and pointed that out, so I asked him "Why are you so keen in saying hi to me if you only know me through facebook?" He got upset and told me he doesn't like my attitude and that I'd never go anywhere in life. And then he said goodbye. I'm relieved that I won't be bothered by him anymore, but I shouldn't have given him my number anyway. That's a lesson learnt. I should have just said no.

@ckpwong What a dick.

@ckpwong this makes you a self-entitled jerk... How could you, in good conscience, allow someone to wait behind you with two items in the supermarket, while you have a trolley full of crap. I hope your day is full of red lights, queues and slow walkers. Secondly, I agree with George, being white is irrelevant

@ckpwong Wow... First off, I really don't see what race should have to do with anything (and Daniel himself isn't even White, since you want to get into it). For me, if I ever asked to do something like that, it'd be because I was trying to catch the last bus of the evening or something (which given my personal schedule, is a legitimate concern quite often), and I'd be sure to explain that to whomever I was asking to cut in line. Why should my being able bodied and White change someone's response?

@fstyles612 Did you get an agreement on your novella?

What kind of editing are you looking for?

There are some great gigs being offered on Fiverr.com

Or other outsoursing sites. You shouldnt have to give up that much royalty for that long (10 years??...too long!)

@fstyles612 Please let me know what happens with the editor. Also, WTF was wrong with that bus driver???

Hi Farrah,

This was really brave of you! If your editing contact doesn't work out, shoot me an email. I do editing work and I'd be happy to help:) My email address is [email protected].

@George Why don't you offer to help him set up the man cave? Make it about him? :)

Hi George! I understand having to make space to work. Do you think you could possibly just carve out a small amount of the space in the room for your use?

@Dalingcebo It just means we're going through the same stuff :)

Do you think you should try asking for more things that you want?

@JulietAnnerino You know what I say? Investor, InSHMEStor.

Not sure how it should be spelled. :)

@gwleckythompson Very cool! I'm super interested to hear what your pitch is about. Can you let us in on and details?

@gwleckythompson Hey Guy, I completely agree with you! One important thing to get the most out of the "no" is asking for feedback. Here's a great article on that if you enjoy the topic : http://okdork.com/2013/10/14/how-to-use-surveys-to-get-insane-results/

Have an awesome day!

@Humble Courage Oh man, I really want to follow this!! Are you going to set up a blog to record?

@Humble Courage brave! Interested to hear your results ;)

@Robin Agree 100%, Robin. The 1 caveat I'd add (especially with regard to women) — analyze why you got the "no." — Improve your approach. Treat it like a scientist. Test it. Incrementally increase your odds of success. 1% is fine, but then you have to ask 100 women. Wouldn't 60% be nicer? :)

@Rich20Something @Brian Hahn Nope! She said they don't do it, but she did point me to the offer where you get a pastry for $1 after 2 PM same day.

@Rich20Something You could ask him to add that info to the list. The worst he could say is no, and isn't that what this whole post is about? ;P

@fstyles612 @ShellyNajjar It IS amazing, isn't it? :)

@Rich20Something @lloydc I guess the only way is to practice, ie. get used to being rejected... I suppose the psychology behind it for myself (can't speak for others) is that people will think less of me for asking for something, like a discount.

pain of having to endure something that I don't want to do is worse, however dealing with the problem later (by saying yes) seems easier, at the time, than having to say no.

@fstyles612 jesus, some dudes are creepers.

@George @ckpwong I'm able bodied...and apparently, 61.7% white...now that you mention it... :)

Can I cut you in line?

@Rich20Something @fstyles612 I don't know!! Serious attitude problem. I sent a letter to the road traffic department here in my country- that way they can fine him or monitor him to see if it happens again. Plus, I'm thinking of writing a letter to the editor in one of our local newspapers about it. That'd be my warning to him.

@Tiffany Lee Love this <3

@Tiffany Lee I appreciate that Tiffany :) . I haven't gotten a sure answer yet, so I'll def keep you updated!

@Tiffany Lee I wish I could, but I wasn't exaggerating when I described the room like something out of "Hoarders." There is literally NO room until stuff starts getting cleared away, and I've been forbidden from cleaning it myself.

@Rich20Something @Dalingcebo Yes, I need to buy some of your wonderful products but since I closed business in 2010 and take care of my parents I dont have money. I need to ask for help to finance my dream. Since internet business is relatively new in my country, South Africa, it does not make it easier. But I am inspired...

@Rich20Something My current pitch is bringing proper search engine engagement (not SEO or SEM, those are dirty words, these days) to the health and beauty industry including a special services for those who serve salons and want them to help spread the word about their products. Think of it as a kind of Jay Abraham's "Getting everything you can..." for a connected world!

(Still no word on the proposal, but sending out another one, or two, today. I'm on a roll...)

@Robin @gwleckythompson @noahkagan does great work!

@ShellyNajjar @Rich20Something Haha, you got me :)

@Dalingcebo @Rich20Something The low internet business penetration just means you're ahead of the curve, and ready to take advantage of the wave when it comes! We're all here to help you (right guys?) as a lot of us have been through the same stuff, as Daniel says...