What to do when you fall out of love

I can still remember what it felt like to tell my first girlfriend, “I don’t love you anymore.”

I’d just gotten back from traveling through Greece and the Middle East (read my adventures) and I thought I was such a worldly, cultured man now.

I thought I needed to explore the world and see if there was anyone “better” out there. But the truth was pretty simple: I’d known before I left that we were going to break up. That’s why I filled an empty iPhone 3G case full of Trojans.

Because…you know…what if they didn’t sell condoms in Greece? That was a scumbag move, I know.

Incidentally, Greece actually has one of the highest abortion rates in the world and an entire spring festival devoted to the phallus – so I may have been on to something inadvertently.

199_543885477031_6314_n

It’s not actually that color. But the size is more or less accurate.

See, about 6-8 months before that trip, I’d just stopped feeling that “spark” for her. I couldn’t really place a reason on why.

But as soon as I realized it, my subconscious mind started looking for a solution to my “problem.” And, out of the clear blue sky, I got the genius idea to study abroad. It was classic psychological avoidance — and it was a way for me to blame the problems in our relationship on something other than my lack of attention to her needs.

5 years later, the situation feels a lot cleaner in my mind and my decisions seem much more deliberate in retrospect.

As I look back on my choices, starting with the roots of how I arrived at my decisions, I can see the fatal flaw: I thought that I’d “fallen out of love.” I WAS WRONG. In reality, my mind was just going through the natural transitions that EVERYBODY goes through when they do ANYTHING for an extended period of time. It’s evolution, disguised as boredom.

This idea of evolution-as-boredom came rushing back to me tonight — while I was at the gym bench pressing…of all places.

WHY?

Because I fucking hate the gym now — AND THIS IS A BIG DEAL SINCE I USED TO BE MARRIED TO THE IRON.

DSCN1475

Most of you don’t know that I very nearly became a pro natural bodybuilder at 19. In college, I even filmed a 10-minute documentary called Skin Deep on the psychological aspects of the sport — and how bodybuilding had affected my relationships. I think it has over 1,400 views now.

But now, I don’t get nearly the same thrill out of the gym that I used to.

I’d been feeling like this for a while, and honestly, it bothered me.

“Have I fallen out of love with the gym, too?”

FOCK! Shit shit shit. DAMMIT! I need this body. It’s my ultimate backup if all my businesses fail. I’ll just call my mom, have her shave my inner thighs again (see above pic) and I should be back in business at Swinging Richard’s.

I need to stay in shape. But at the same time, I just don’t care about being “jacked” like I used to. So every day (or 4-5x/week), I’d force myself to go in there, I’d do some stuff and I get out. I still stayed in great shape because of the foundation I’ve built over the years — but it didn’t feel the same anymore — and I was pretty sure that at the earliest opportunity, I’d find some excuse to cut corners.

In 2-3 years I’d be the hairy guy on the bosu ball saying things like “tone” and “core”.

JUSTKILLMENOW.

Luckily, none of that has happened. And it won’t — because I’ve taken proactive measures.

The secret: Months ago, I hired a personal trainer.

Now, I realize that my feelings towards the gym weren’t boredom. Just like my first relationship, I was going through an evolution.

And that’s the insight: After several years of doing something — it won’t feel the same anymore. No matter how intense the feeling was in the beginning, inevitably, that feeling will transform.

When that happens, you’ll think you’ve “fallen out of love.”

So what how do you get the intense feelings back and encourage yourself to push forward? Here are 2 strategies to get you moving again:

Strategy 1:  Get someone to help you push

Rather than assume that the gym will never be as exciting as it used to be and get complacent with lower levels of performance — I hired a trainer to add that spark back. It was a bit of an ego blow at first because I feel like I’m supposed to have the gym thing “under control.” But the truth is, for the first time in quite a while, I’m actually able to work out with the blistering intensity I used to. And it’s ONLY because I’ve acknowledged that I can’t do it alone anymore. Now I feel the intensity again. I’m back in love.

What if you could find someone to help you get your most important tasks done?

  • Someone to remind you to write every day
  • Someone to run with you or check in with you about your eating
  • Someone to ask you “have you practiced your programming today?”

It makes a BIG difference having someone on your team, pushing you forward.

(Side note: My friend Maneesh wrote a great article on exactly how to find an accountability buddy here.)

Strategy 2:  Realize that even the best things change

How many of us have been disappointed when our relationships stopped feeling “fresh”?

We met somebody and the chemistry was undeniable. We thought it would always feel like the first date.

So how do we deal when it doesn’t anymore?

In my current relationship, rather than “falling out of love” when that “new-new” feeling wears off, I continually find fun, interesting ways to explore the relationship on a deeper level that’s only possible because of how close we’ve grown. I’ve come to realize that as we grow, the way we see each other will continually change. And this is ok. This is normal. When that happens, it’s your responsibility to find new, exciting ways to look at your relationship.

(BTW – as corny as it sounds, the 5 Love Languages is a great book for figuring this type of stuff out.)

This isn’t just about romantic relationships. It also applies to other relationships with things you love.

Maybe you used to love playing the guitar — but it doesn’t interest you like it used to anymore. Have you tried learning a different style or getting a new guitar? Have you tried learning to read sheet music instead of tab, or performing for people?

*******

These are just a few examples from my life — I hope they resonated with you.

Can you think of a time when you “fell out of love” with something you used to be passionate about?

What did you do to get the passion back? Or did you just let it slowly slip away…

Let me know in the comments.

PS – I share all my best insights/strategies on building online businesses and living a better life with my Tribe. Have you joined yet? It’s free.

 

 

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19 comments
mcarolyn700
mcarolyn700

Seriously i was flattened when my Husband of 8 years left to be with another woman in Texas. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I couldn't bear it anymore. and i reached out to the Internet for help, until i hit on the real thing, and that is you Lord Lugard. I almost gave up trying to get my Ex Husband back and having a contented family again.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work, and immediately after 24 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was penitent for everything that he has done. And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. Lord Lugard you do a great service to people, and I don't think many people had known about you. You are the diamond in the rough. Thank you Lord Lugard You are talented and you give off yourself so freely like you did to me. Thank you for weaving your magical love spells for me and Sergio. He is back to me just the way it was when we first met.. from the depths of my soul! I am immensely happy now.  Thank you and God bless you so much sir. now my man is back to me just in 24 hours, as you have said it..wow.. i am fully rewarded. Thank you so much sir, Lots of appreciations.. Here is Lord Lugard's Website: website: http://miracletemplespells.webs.com and his Email: miracletemple@live.com. Carolyn Martin New York..

AdamsHelen
AdamsHelen

For the past 3 months now I have been looking for good and geniue spell to bring back my ex lover back and also help me to win lottery. and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Dr Trust who gave me powerful prayer and assured me that it will take two days before the spell will be effective, truly 2 days later, my Ex Lover rang me, i answered the call, he started apologizing, we are together Now. Thank you for making her to know that we are meet to be together and also making my dreams come true. And he did a spell that make me to win lottery. Please if any body needs LOVE SPELL,LOTTERY,PRENANCY SPELL, DIVORCE SPELL, GET YOUR PARTNER. BACK AND MANY MORE YOU MAKE NEED. Email him now for your own help. Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com call him +2348156885231 All thanks goes to DR.Trust for the excessive work that he has done for me.


DilecceAlbert
DilecceAlbert

O.M.G!!!!! This is an Unbelievable testimony of my Life, I can't imagine my self living with my Lovely Wife and My Two Kids after my Wife left me and took my kids away and she sworn never to stay with me again. What more can i say than to thank the Great DR OVIA the Powerful and best On line Spell caster for helping me. I am short of words for i didn't believe that My Wife will never come back to me. DR OVIA made me believe that there is nothing that is impossible. I promise i will forever tell the whole world that you are a Real and powerful On line spell caster, You helped me despite i didn't see you or you seeing me. What more can i say that to Appreciate your Good and Wonderful Deeds in my Life!! Anybody out there who is experiencing any Relationship problem or facing any type of situation at all and needs help should contact DR OVIA without wasting much time on this Email ID: droviasolutioncenter@gmail.com or droviasolutioncenter@yahoo.com You can also contact him Directly on his personal Website: droviasolutioncenter.webs.comRegards..

TheodoraMarcason
TheodoraMarcason

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify of it too. i saw a post on how a lady got her man back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my man now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com


faithboo111
faithboo111

Am Karen Tanya from Scotland. I was having serious relationship problems  with my boyfriend and it had resulted in him moving out to his friend’s  apartment. Everything got worse because he started going to bars and strip clubs frequently with his friend, getting drunk and passing out. He always threatens me on phone whenever I call him because of all the bad advises  that his friend has given him. I really love him and we had been dating for 8 years which gave us a beautiful daughter. I had also lost a lot of money on therapists until I was introduced to Dr. ogboni by a friend whom he  helped to marry her childhood boyfriend; this gave me total confidence and strength to get him back. I did all he asked and after 48 hours my boyfriend called me and rushed back home, things just changed between us emotionally. He has a job and stopped drinking and keeping irrelevant friends. It’s a miracle I never believed was possible because I had lost all hope until I found Dr.ogboni . So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe. All thanks goes to Dr.ogboni for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in  situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. ogbonispelitemple1@gmail.com


micheal zander
micheal zander

My name is MARY from USA .I am here to give a testimony on how I got my ex boyfriend back. My ex left me for no reason 3 years ago. He moved in with another woman, I felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good to help my problem and, my friend also said that the spell caster gave him some lucky numbers that he played in a lottery and he won. I didn't believe it because I've worked with so many of them and it didn't work. He begged me further so I decided to try this great spell caster called DR SALOBA. I still didn't believe. but I used the spell he gave me and the next day I received a call from my darling boyfriend Thomas last week. He apologized and came back to me. He even gave me 10,000USD as a means of compensating me. I'm very happy now. Thank you DR SALOBA, You can reach DR micheal ON via email: kingdomofsolutiontemple@outlook.com . He can solve any problem like,
(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) you need a divorce in your relationship.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women & men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband & wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial stance.
(9) He can make you pregnancy.
(10) He can cure you from any diseases.
contact: kingdomofsolutiontemple@outlook.com

micheal zander
micheal zander

OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 15TH Of JANUARY 2015, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called DR micheal on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before.. Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not until DR Kamuzi did it for me and restored my marriage of 8 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you DR Kamuzi you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his website: Email kingdomofsolutiontemple@outlook.com

LawisNelly
LawisNelly

Am sheron from USA, I have been married for over 5years and no issue(baby) to show for it, I and my husband have gone to different places for help for me to get pregnant, but all our efforts where fruitless. My husband became tired of me and started accusing me of the cause of our problem. I tried to make him believe that I don?t know why I cannot get pregnant. But as a man he pays deaf ears to my words. It came to a time when he gave me an ultimatum to leave his house. I became more crazy and restless. I search for help including where there is no help. My husband finally sent me packing after 5years of our marriage. when I was in my parents? house I was still searching for a solution until I met an old school friend whom gave me the contact of this spell caster Dr Harrison, she said he saved her marriage too. I contacted him for help. He told me that it is never too late that I will need two spell in one. Which means an EX BACK SPELL and a FERTILITY SPELL. He actually cast a spell for me after 48hours of his spell; my husband came to my parents? house looking for me. We got back together again. That made me so happy. Still with his fertility spell, I became pregnant after 2months of his spell. What a powerful man. I am the happiest person on earth. If you need any help, I recommend this great man to you, I am so sure he will help you the way he helped me,am 100percent certain about his wonderful work, via email dr.okojespellhome@outlook.com.or call +2349032291505

Ananda Harry
Ananda Harry

After being in relationship with Harry for Five years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: druguelspellhome1@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: druguelspellhome1@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.

JohnObiMikel
JohnObiMikel

My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. NOGEMA LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. NOGEMA you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr NOGEMA You can also contact Dr NOGEMA via email address: nogemaspelltemple@gmail.com in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problems Contact him through this email address nogemaspelltemple@gmail.com OR +2348164917868.

PricessAisatNuhu
PricessAisatNuhu


Thank Prophet suleman for restoring my marriage. I had been separated from my husband. I was told about Prophet suleman spell how he restored Marriage the source of my encouragement and wisdom. I had been praying and standing on the promises of Prophet suleman My husband mailed me and said we will be reunited and living as a family in the country where he lives. Above all, my husband has grown in faith you can reach Prophet suleman true email via:.Prophetsuleman@gmail.com or you can call him +2349022676497 good luck


WalshBob
WalshBob

“Thank you Dr. Stanley for making my wish come true! I was totally devastated when my Husband left me. It was like all my world vanishing into sorrow and pain. But your kind words when I first emailed you gave me hope. I felt how sincere, honest and authentic you were from your first email. I know it sounds weird but out of all the casters I contacted, you were the only one to give me that impression of being so true and caring. More than your words, it’s the fantastic work you accomplished for me that I will keep in mind. You brought my Husband back within 2days i contacted you and you made all my wishes come true. He’s now loyal, pays attention to me, he offers me flowers every Sunday, and we often go out at the cinema or at the restaurant. I will be forever thankful for turning my life from hell to heaven!” This is his email address if anyone need his help drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com Valerie, Canada

LiliayanLockwood
LiliayanLockwood


Since spirituallove@hotmail. com cast a love spell for me, things are going great in my marriage life. my husband who was

cheating on me is now a loyal and dedicated man. I’m glad he came back to me after the break up with him because I love him

from the bottom of my heart, but without Dr. Stanly help, all of this couldn't happen or even be possible. It is the first

time I am using the service of a spell caster and even if I was a bit skeptical at first, I highly recommend his service to

people like me who need help in their marriage problem.  L. Lockwood



isabellaforgood
isabellaforgood

"I thank priest ehor for restoring my marriage. What seemed to be dead a few months ago has been given new life. One thing that helped me through some of the most difficult days was the priest tell me 'never give up' on my spouse, my marriage, if you want restoration in your marriage contact priest ehor for final solution via Email priestehor@gmail.com +2347035825346 and he will not fail you.

CthrineWalter
CthrineWalter

I am Cathrine i lives in the states and i was in a serious relationship with my Ex boyfriend for 3 good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i tried to call him but he was not picking my calls so after then i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us.. Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to a man named HIGH PRIEST Otigbolor and i contacted him on highpriestotigbolor66@gmail.com, at first i thought it was not going to be possible when i contacted him i was asked to come up with a little information detail of me and my Ex boyfriend,so i did what i was ask to do,and he cast a spell for me,  24Hours after the spell was cast i was in my office when my Ex called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me,so ever since we have been happily married with one kid my lovely baby(Anita)...i wish you the best of luck... friends you can contact HIGH PRIEST Otigbolor on his personal  email at highpriestotigbolor66@gmail.com.  I know he will help you and you will Thank me later.

mcarolyn700
mcarolyn700

Seriously i was flattened when my Husband of 8 years left to be with another woman in Texas. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I couldn't bear it anymore. and i reached out to the Internet for help, until i hit on the real thing, and that is you Lord Lugard. I almost gave up trying to get my Ex Husband back and having a contented family again.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work, and immediately after 24 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was penitent for everything that he has done. And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. Lord Lugard you do a great service to people, and I don't think many people had known about you. You are the diamond in the rough. Thank you Lord Lugard You are talented and you give off yourself so freely like you did to me. Thank you for weaving your magical love spells for me and Sergio. He is back to me just the way it was when we first met.. from the depths of my soul! I am immensely happy now.  Thank you and God bless you so much sir. now my man is back to me just in 24 hours, as you have said it..wow.. i am fully rewarded. Thank you so much sir, Lots of appreciations.. Here is Lord Lugard's Website: website: http://miracletemplespells.webs.com and his Email: miracletemple@live.com. Carolyn Martin frm New York..


Kevin Diamond
Kevin Diamond

Hahah AWEsome postt Daniel. This was great buddy, just what I needed.

Appreciate the good laughs and solid insight.

Yes, this resonated. With business, growing a startup, (definitely easy to 'fall out of love' when some big walls seem to keep coming faster than you can plow through em) as well as in relationships with people, activities and habits (writing/journaling/drawing(i never draw but figured i'd throw it in there)

Good stuff-- Like the accountability partner. That's why a tribe is important. So once again, love what you're doing hear ;)

And your boy Maneesh is brilliant. Missed him in Boston a week or so ago, was supposed to catch up with him and Srini but he met up earlier than me and another friend.

Anywho--good write up my man.

And sexy pic.

Good stuff brother 

Hello
Hello

This post is pretty awesome! It takes something so seemingly unrelated and makes it relevant. Very relevant. 


Natrisha Barnett
Natrisha Barnett

Great post! It's often too easy to feel down about being unable to motivate yourself to advance or change in certain ways but having someone help guide and help you perform is a great way of looking at it.